Waking, waking, I am halfway between sleep and not but things are different than they used to be, I can’t tell what has changed, and then I am consumed, this has happened to me before I think, I have been swallowed before at least I think, but this kind of swallowing is inside me, it keeps trying to get in, to invade me but i don’t want it, I’m scared, please don’t let it take me, it’s prying my jaws apart, ripping my teeth separate, it’s reaching down into my throat and it’s burning, it’s searing the muscle of my neck from the inside out, stop it, make it stop, I feel halfway between choking and crying and screaming and fighting, but i can't fight it because I can't see it, I think it’s pulling at something, trying to get something, when it grips at it, i want to scream again, it curls around it and I am left to gag and splutter because I am full of it, and then it dislodges the thing it wants, whatever it is, snaps it free of myself from beneath the bone of my chest, and splinters
Something stirred. There was a distant calling somewhere out in the beyond. It was muffled and quiet, far off into the depths of something. What, he didn’t know. But it roused him. It woke him and he realized that this must be the first time he was waking at all. There was deep knowledge that extended in the cracks and crevices of his inner being. It was the kind of knowledge that was rooted in his head but didn’t quite reach to his heart. He knew that before sight, before looking, existence was a void, black and empty and endless. He knew this, yet after looking, he would never remember it. Another realization settled. There was no more heat. The pain of it subsided long ago and it had curled itself around him, resolved into his very self. It became a part of him and at some point he forgot what it was like to be without it. Until this moment, that is. He was hyper aware of the lack of heat, comfortable or not. But his others, his scent and pulse pressed into him, vibrated through
caught tangled suspended trapped feel push and pull stretch expand ever more what we have is not enough grow hotter breathing gasping screaming writhing let go ivory snaps together muscle twines knotted twisted tight split apart then brought back settled space completed made whole one being apodictic existence mind thoughts scent clings steady tremors quieter now vibrating through the insides imperfect tangible full of selfish life that longs to take
Existence called empty called isolated just him and the infinite until Darkness called back creeping called back stretching and pooling he was swallowed whole and split into two merged into one Silent peace silent patience yearning wanting lusting and then Darkness called pounding called trembling vibrations and stirrings heavy in the existence of him. Tremors settled deep constant rhythmic and lulling swaying and alive. Again the straining restless searching growing expanding filling unbound RELEASE ME stop unnoticed but now felt it swelled rose stung and pricked and snapped against him cannot get out cannot make it stop there was burning violent and blistering it peeled away at his being strip strip strip heat always hotter the tremors spasmed cacophonous symphony hiccup hiccup out of sync where did peace go? The other writhed Fear pulsed and flickered twitched His existence craved relief Infiltration the heat hungered demanded more Took and took and took and took
There is nothing worse than the waiting. You are full of gratitude that you are not lonely, even though you didn’t used to be. But you have company in the darkness and you cling to one another. You don’t quite understand where you are or what you are doing and you are uncomfortable. You want to expand. You want to shift and stretch and change but you are limited, confined, twisted together. Something holds you back. The darkness trembles. You feel it and you realize once more that you are very much not alone. The selfishness overwhelms you and instead of fear, you rage against the existence of another. Go away. Another tremor. It is harder and heavier and rattling. It disrupts the silence and you find yourself yearning for it. It unravels you. It joins you in the company, settles in the darkness, and makes itself known. This is what you were restless for. Steady booms in the ebony of nothing.
At first, it was just the darkness, a void, alone and empty. And then there was him. A flicker and then an explosion and then him. And the silent absent of light had to share existence with him. How despicable. The darkness is a selfish kind but maybe it could learn to share. He is alone. He knows this like the darkness that envelopes him. This is the only thing he knows. The dark. The quiet. Endless. Silent. Empty. Alone. And then he wasn't. There was something or someone else in the void. He could...smell...it...them...Fear and relief collided in a single rush and it reeked. What are you more afraid of--the existence of another or being the only one? There it was again--that selfish pulsing, writhing from the darkness but it was not the void's this time. It was someone else's. That other that brought that scent with it. Learn to share. Expand and envelope. The scent. What was it? It pooled around him, creeped slow and deliberate. This was familiar. Another knowing that
Waking, waking, I am halfway between sleep and not but things are different than they used to be, I can’t tell what has changed, and then I am consumed, this has happened to me before I think, I have been swallowed before at least I think, but this kind of swallowing is inside me, it keeps trying to get in, to invade me but i don’t want it, I’m scared, please don’t let it take me, it’s prying my jaws apart, ripping my teeth separate, it’s reaching down into my throat and it’s burning, it’s searing the muscle of my neck from the inside out, stop it, make it stop, I feel halfway between choking and crying and screaming and fighting, but i can't fight it because I can't see it, I think it’s pulling at something, trying to get something, when it grips at it, i want to scream again, it curls around it and I am left to gag and splutter because I am full of it, and then it dislodges the thing it wants, whatever it is, snaps it free of myself from beneath the bone of my chest, and splinters
Something stirred. There was a distant calling somewhere out in the beyond. It was muffled and quiet, far off into the depths of something. What, he didn’t know. But it roused him. It woke him and he realized that this must be the first time he was waking at all. There was deep knowledge that extended in the cracks and crevices of his inner being. It was the kind of knowledge that was rooted in his head but didn’t quite reach to his heart. He knew that before sight, before looking, existence was a void, black and empty and endless. He knew this, yet after looking, he would never remember it. Another realization settled. There was no more heat. The pain of it subsided long ago and it had curled itself around him, resolved into his very self. It became a part of him and at some point he forgot what it was like to be without it. Until this moment, that is. He was hyper aware of the lack of heat, comfortable or not. But his others, his scent and pulse pressed into him, vibrated through
caught tangled suspended trapped feel push and pull stretch expand ever more what we have is not enough grow hotter breathing gasping screaming writhing let go ivory snaps together muscle twines knotted twisted tight split apart then brought back settled space completed made whole one being apodictic existence mind thoughts scent clings steady tremors quieter now vibrating through the insides imperfect tangible full of selfish life that longs to take
Existence called empty called isolated just him and the infinite until Darkness called back creeping called back stretching and pooling he was swallowed whole and split into two merged into one Silent peace silent patience yearning wanting lusting and then Darkness called pounding called trembling vibrations and stirrings heavy in the existence of him. Tremors settled deep constant rhythmic and lulling swaying and alive. Again the straining restless searching growing expanding filling unbound RELEASE ME stop unnoticed but now felt it swelled rose stung and pricked and snapped against him cannot get out cannot make it stop there was burning violent and blistering it peeled away at his being strip strip strip heat always hotter the tremors spasmed cacophonous symphony hiccup hiccup out of sync where did peace go? The other writhed Fear pulsed and flickered twitched His existence craved relief Infiltration the heat hungered demanded more Took and took and took and took
There is nothing worse than the waiting. You are full of gratitude that you are not lonely, even though you didn’t used to be. But you have company in the darkness and you cling to one another. You don’t quite understand where you are or what you are doing and you are uncomfortable. You want to expand. You want to shift and stretch and change but you are limited, confined, twisted together. Something holds you back. The darkness trembles. You feel it and you realize once more that you are very much not alone. The selfishness overwhelms you and instead of fear, you rage against the existence of another. Go away. Another tremor. It is harder and heavier and rattling. It disrupts the silence and you find yourself yearning for it. It unravels you. It joins you in the company, settles in the darkness, and makes itself known. This is what you were restless for. Steady booms in the ebony of nothing.
At first, it was just the darkness, a void, alone and empty. And then there was him. A flicker and then an explosion and then him. And the silent absent of light had to share existence with him. How despicable. The darkness is a selfish kind but maybe it could learn to share. He is alone. He knows this like the darkness that envelopes him. This is the only thing he knows. The dark. The quiet. Endless. Silent. Empty. Alone. And then he wasn't. There was something or someone else in the void. He could...smell...it...them...Fear and relief collided in a single rush and it reeked. What are you more afraid of--the existence of another or being the only one? There it was again--that selfish pulsing, writhing from the darkness but it was not the void's this time. It was someone else's. That other that brought that scent with it. Learn to share. Expand and envelope. The scent. What was it? It pooled around him, creeped slow and deliberate. This was familiar. Another knowing that